Red Tents and Glorious Pain

About a year and a half ago I attended a class at my UU church called Cakes for the Queen of Heaven. It was a very enlightening class on the history HERstory of the divine feminine in the Jewish and Christian traditions. It helped me to come to terms with the niggling hatred I still felt towards Christianity. Afterwards, I understood part of why I was never and would never be happy as a Christian. During the course of this class we were encouraged to read a book called The Red Tent. So I took the suggestion and downloaded it to my Kindle. Oh My Gods and Goddesses. This book, to me, was so inspiring and I felt a renewed fervor to become a midwife. It is the story of Jacob and Esau but told from the perspective of Jacob's daughter, Dinah. I'm not going to give you a full synopsis nor a book review because that is not what has me writing this post today. Today I learned that the Red Tent, the place where women went to menstruate in those days, is making a ROARING comeback. The Red Tent Movement is women of all ages getting together for one day or a few days each month to laugh, cry, teach, learn and support each other. I wish to all the Gods that there was one closer to me or that I was going to be here long enough to really get one up and going.

Where was this kind of loving, supportive community when I started my moon cycles?  Imagine this: I was 9 years old, on vacation with my dad and my little sister (who was 3 at the time) and basically alone when it happened. I had been having horrible lower abdomen cramps for about 6 months prior so luckily my mom gave me the run down on what a period is and that I should probably expect it. It was SUPER clinical which was kind of a good thing, at least I wasn't shamed or fed the "it's the curse" line. But back to me. Two days after I started we visited my aunt and I told her what was going on. I had been making due with wadded up toilet paper in my panties because I was way too embarrassed to tell my DAD what was going on. And to be honest he was such a super prude that he would have probably turned redder than the stain on my panties if I had said something.  My Aunt Meme. I love her to death but she took it upon herself to call EVERYONE in the family and announce "Guess what!? Codi's a woman now!!" ::facepalm:: So now I was bleeding AND embarrassed. No hugs, no stories of THEIR first cycles, no empowerment. Basically just "here's a pad, here's how to use it". Oh and the cramps? Yeah, at 14 they diagnosed me with endomitriosis and put me on birth control, with the same clinical coldness. I hated being a woman.

Now that I'm the mother of a beautiful little girl, who is only 3 years younger than I was when I became a "woman" , I have begun to ponder how to make her experience a much better one than mine. How could I encourage her, empower her, lift her up and help her embrace her femininity? I had been looking into the Souix Tribe's  coming of age ceremony for girls and for two reasons : 1. A's biological father was half Blackfoot and Souix so it is her heritage even if I cannot prove her bloodline and 2. having grown up in Oklahoma I have a deep love and respect for Native American culture (Although I am most acquainted with the Choctaw Nation). But if this Red Tent Temple keeps growing I will have something to share with her that is closer to our Polytheist beliefs and it doesn't require me digging into the past to find papers to prove her ancestry. I want this so badly for her and for myself. I know I am broken on so many levels and I wonder if something like this might help heal some of the festering wounds in my soul.


On a completely different note, I had my first session with my Personal Trainer on Thursday. His name is Martin (pronounced Mar Teen) and he looks and sound like THIS. Oh yes, I damn near drooled on the man. But he seriously put me through my paces and I am feeling it today. My ass hurts, my thighs hurt, my calves hurt and I am LOOOOOOVING it. No pain no gain, right? And with eye-candy like that you can bet that it would take a team of wild horses to keep me from my training sessions. Okay that and the fact that I am paying good money but the cute trainer makes EVERYTHING that much better.
I am realizing how shallow I sound and the fact that I am objectifying this poor guy like we women dislike being objectified but I'm only human!! I'm not a bad girl, I just enjoy feasting my eyes on pleasant  looking men and women. There's no crime in looking right? Right?? Shut up.